Sunday, February 26, 2006

Day 14674

Egads it's been a long time since I last posted! I wish I had something better to write, but today was, well, today.

I learned a lot about myself and my relationships today, albeit, too late. I spent the day with my Sweetie, who simply had a bad day. She seemed to have wanted to be alone, but due to the wet, cool weather and a steady stream of intruders, she just couldn't get any peace. Did I mention that I was one of the intruders? You see, I forgot that I'm a guy, programmed to solve problems, and, well, tried to solve what I didn't understand. Then, when I couldn't fix, well, her, I immediately focussed on myself and got defensive. Finally, when I realized she really did just want to be by herself, I failed to cook her dinner or pick her up a little something as I went out for some goodies for myself. (Somebody smack me upside the head!)

I've done this before. Not with her, but in other relationships. Whenever my partner got down, I quickly assumed it was something I was doing or not doing and focussed on myself. Then, because I wasn't trying intentionally to annoy, I got overly defensive and shut down any meaningful communication, which was most likely annoying! So, she's in a bad mood, I'm getting one, and here I come along trying to fix her so that I don't feel so uncomfortable.

(FYI, Yibbyl means "designated moron".)

Right now, I'm typing this, she's asleep, no doubt from pure emotional exhaustion, and we have just gone to bed, not angry, but frustrated, for the first time. It makes me sad, especially since all I did today was add to her headaches and make her question just how alert and empathetic I am. To be honest, I think I came across as selfish and uncaring. Yep, today, I was a winner!

(rolls eyes, turns off computer)


Blogger bhd said...

My dear, join the club. You have no idea how I can relate to what you are feeling.

My advice: if it doesn't feel right, ask. Act upon the answer you get, trusting that it's real.

Being vocal, even when it's saying, "Sweets, I'm totally irrational tonight so just bear with me and know that I love you" even when it's with a tacit signal, works wonders.

Bottom line: I'm not a mind reader. Tell me what you need me to be, and I'm on it! Let it out on your sleeve when you're in a loving relationship. Heck. We love you already.

12:34 AM  
Blogger bhd said...

Oops. I mean no slight against your partner, please do not misunderstand me. I'm talking about asking for what is needed, regardless of the role. It has worked wonders for us. We are both wounded by past relationships and the scars they leave behind, and react according to old patterns. We don't want to have any patterns but our own. And this is how we've accomplished that.

12:39 AM  
Anonymous Alison said...

Once again, BHD has an excellent answer.

4:32 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Oh, sweetie! I'm really okay.

I think it was just a weather melt-down or work-stress overflow or something lame like that. A nap probably would have fixed me right up but I was too stubborn to take one when I needed it.

I think that you are incredibly sensitive and that you don't give yourself near enough credit for how much you absolutely do "get" me in all the weird and wonderful moments.

I love you.

2:31 PM  
Blogger Yibbyl said...

Once again, Alison is right! Thank you ladies.

Sweetie, I love you! You're willingness to let me off the hook here is appreciated, but deep down I know I should have been less selfish that evening. You make me want to set a higher standard for myself. I don't really think of it as beating up on myself, as much as I just want to focus on doing everything I can for you, even if that means just leaving you to be alone for a while on occaision.


6:29 AM  
Blogger Melanie said...

this is so sweet! at least you saw it. :hug:

love you guys!


12:55 PM  

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