Day 14482

Good evening, fellow pill poppers! Seems the last day I posted, I had intended to have a part "b". I don't exactly remember why I didn't post part "b", just that I didn't. So be it. It must not have been that critical/important/interesting. Anyway...Here's a real post...

I heard two really good quotes today, one by a gentleman I interviewed for a job, the other on PBS. The interviewee responded to a line of questioning by stating, "Every individual who walks through that door, or even into your life, is another opportunity to do or experience something. That something is... life."

Cool, huh? It just reeks of optomism. I loved the answer. I loved the enthusiasm. I loved the outlook. What can I say, he had me at "Hello!" That spirit/zest/philosophy is so exciting/contagious/necessary. I must admit to having a strong curious desire to find out whether he does more than just talk the talk. He certainly is qualified for the position, but I'm still in the middle of interviewing...can't jump too far ahead of the process/my duty/myself.

--- It appears I'm slash-happy tonight...must be the pills! P.A.I.N.K.I.L.L.E.R.S. for the pain in my back. Earlier today, I had some heat therapy and some "special" cartlidge-busting treatment. The special part was where he put his body weight behind the pressure of his thumbs. Anyway, the net result at this point is that I'm in serious pain... Supposedly, I will have more movement and flexibility in my spine after a few more of these "treatments". "Side-effects may include, but are not limited to, drowsiness, nausea, sexual side-effects, and diarrhea." ---

*Returns to "No Whining Zone"*

Where was I? Right...the quotes. The second one came from some mother/daughter relationship wannabee infomercial, er, seminar, on PBS. The lady conducting the seminar said, "Your emotions are not a result of the past, but instead are a direct result of the choices you make in the present. In other words, if you feel bad or angry or happy or whatever, it is because you chose to do so."

This quote stuck with me, lingering, kind of like a fart under the covers. I don't think I have a strained relationship with my mother at all, but the thought of my dad tends to induce feelings of anger. It's fair to say that I even enjoy feeling the hatred toward my father, an obvious choice! It's also fair to say the lady's words sent me into a feeling vaguely resembling guilt. Apparantly, I choose to hate my dad. I'll swallow hard while I continue to figure out why I don't have a good relationship with him...

Crap! It was a lot easier to believe that I was a total victim and that my dad was the foolish asshat. So, I have been choosing my feelings towards him. "Smile and the whole world smiles with you!" So far I haven't sufficiently pepped myself up to offer up any sort of olive branch . Feels like that is another choice I'm making in the here and now.

Exhausted. Head should hurt, but doesn't...must be the pills. Well, I guess I should trust gravity to put me into bed...Good night, y'all!