Day 14258

Greetings all! I hope you all had a terrific X-mas or whatever, if any, you celebrate. Anywho, let's get to it.

I took this test after seeing it in a forum on Radio Paradise. I am Hecate. Or, at least, that was the response I got after the first attempt. For the most part, I felt indifferent to the result I got. If pressed, I guess I would say it fits, with the exception being that I don't "always do what I want to". I mean I'm not that selfish and I also understand consequences.

I saw a post by a young lady who commented on changing some close answers to see what she got. She then got Hecate. So, curious, I re-took it changing a couple of close ones as well. I then got the exact same answer she had first received, Nemesis. This answer bothered me. I know it shouldn't, but it does. I will admit to a few common traits, but not all. Certainly, I don't hold grudges. I don't seek revenge. However, it was one of the characteristics I felt was true that really got under my skin.

Something has been apparent to me since I was in grade school: I guess I give out some sort of vibe or power or energy that people back down from. I see this when approaching people and they get out of my way before I can make an adjustment in my path. Even when I am walking in a direction that obviously won't cross their path, they often move. It's as if they see me as some sort of dominant figure, not to be approached, almost feared. Or like my body is significantly larger than it really is. (I am 6'2" and 230 lbs.) It is something that has depressed me ever since I was conscious of how people were reacting to me. I see it almost daily. I think maybe I am walking with a sense of purpose, but certainly not with a "get the hell out of my way" attitude. Nevertheless, I see people move so quickly and in such an obvious way, that it just hurts me. Who would want to be feared, like some bully? Seems to me we would want the exact opposite, which in my mind is a move to hug someone. I certainly would prefer that!

I have lived with this response from people for so long and I just wish I could change it. I smile, a genuine smile, and people still duck away from me. I wave, and sometimes if we are apparently too close, they flinch like they expect to be hit.

I guess it's possible that my sense of personal space doesn't match societal norms. Honestly, I don't think that is the case, as occaisionally, I feel like my space is intruded upon when conversing with some folks. I also try to be conscious of not trying to get too physically close to individuals who I don't know very well. Still, same old same old.

Whatever. I really don't know how to stop it. I just wish it would. Anyway, if you see me approaching, please don't jump out of my way. I'm a nice guy. Really. In fact, give me a hug!

Well, I hope you have a good night or day.