Day 14362

Good evening. Today is Saturday and it is late at night. I have some early morning plans tomorrow that could really use the assistance of a good night's sleep, but I'm unable to put my ass in bed. I have this problem, nothing I'd call insomnia, just an inability to stop thinking sometimes. My mind won't relax and I just stay up re-living the past or running things through my head. Sometimes, the thoughts are good, but not always. Tonight's is debatable. I think empathy is a good thing, but I can't change someone else's life and I'm adding my own self-pity on top of it.

I know this person, whose relationship with a significant other has changed. On the surface, it seems to have taken a turn for the worse, but time and hindsight will tell. Nevertheless, I think this person is sad. Hell, the change saddens me.

I haven't offered any support or acknowledged the situation in any way prior to this entry. This also saddens me. Reminds me of the song, Rock of Ages by Grant Lee Buffalo. There's a lyric in it that goes..."I heard my brother call and I turned the other way. Now I'm ashamed to face him." It's not that I don't care - I just don't know what to say. Maybe this person will see this entry and it will suffice. If so...

The second I heard, my heart sank. I re-scanned the message several times to be certain I truly understood what had happened. Overcome with the sense of loss, I began to physically shake as the realization set in. We all lose when love is lost. I truly am sorry you experienced this outcome. I wouldn't wish the experience on those I've never met, yet alone someone I consider a friend. I hope you get over this soon, but know it will continue to color who you are in some way. The fact that this will also simultaneously enhance your desirability to others will be of little consolation. I know. You move on anyway.

I owe you a hug.

Good night.