Day 14301

So, I was just checking out my High School's graduating class' web page. (Too many possessives?) Anyway, I was reading the descriptions of my former classmates. For the most part, things are very rosy! Very little trial or hardships. Couldn't stop thinking that I wished I had lied in mine, stating how bad things are in my life. Basically, try to make myself sound like the biggest loser, ever.

This is what I had in mind...

Name - Melvin "Stinky" Schlabotnik
Status - Divorced, 5 times.
Children - Lots, but none I support.
Occupation - Currently unable to work due to PBF, or Persistent Bottle Flu.
Awards - Once beat a speeding ticket because the officer failed to appear!
Greatest Accomplishment - Published in Penthouse Forum. Yeah, Baby!
Favorite Books - Any porn, as long as it's JUST women!
Favorite Music - Anything by Billy Ray Cyrus
Favorite Food - McDonald's
My Pet Peeve - Who would name a pet, "Peeve"?
Favorite HS Memory - Telling Principal Jones to "Get bent!" Yeah!!!
Favorite Teacher - Yeah, right! They all sucked!
Hobbies/Free Time - Strip clubs, horse tracks, and cooking (meth) Ha!
Since HS - Still drinkin', dinkin', and stinkin'! Ooowww!!!
Things I would do different in HS - Nothing, man, I miss those days!