Day 14433

Today, I learned something about myself. I've always felt learning something new is a good thing, even though I have mumbled on occasion something to the effect of "Ignorance can be bliss!". Anyway, I wish to continue learning things until I can no longer number my days. So, kicking procrastination to the curb, here's what I learned today...

I have a fear of letting go and expressing affection. Further, hearing an expression of affection directed towards me yields fear. These are not identical fears. The first deals with a fear of trusting another. The latter is a fear that I will somehow purposely f*ck up or sabotage the relationship, so that the fear of the former won't kick in. I'm pretty certain these fears, left unchallenged, will ensure that I die alone, another one of my fears.

Earlier this evening, I heard that the last number had been assigned to a young man's days. He went by the name Arioch on Radio Paradise and was a very sweet human being. In an outpouring of grief and love, those who were fortunate to have interacted with him have wished him final peace. He will be missed.

Arioch's passing was certainly not expected by the Peeps at RP and most likely not by him. There is so much I'm sure he would have liked to have said to his children and friends, but fate stole the opportunity to do so. If this isn't the swift kick in the ass needed to get me to face my fears I don't know what is. Consider this the day I begin to live dangerously. The moment I decide to seize the day and truly make each number mean something significant, if not to me then to those I love.

If I may be so bold as to borrow from Ari, bright blessings to you all!