Day 14674

Egads it's been a long time since I last posted! I wish I had something better to write, but today was, well, today.

I learned a lot about myself and my relationships today, albeit, too late. I spent the day with my Sweetie, who simply had a bad day. She seemed to have wanted to be alone, but due to the wet, cool weather and a steady stream of intruders, she just couldn't get any peace. Did I mention that I was one of the intruders? You see, I forgot that I'm a guy, programmed to solve problems, and, well, tried to solve what I didn't understand. Then, when I couldn't fix, well, her, I immediately focussed on myself and got defensive. Finally, when I realized she really did just want to be by herself, I failed to cook her dinner or pick her up a little something as I went out for some goodies for myself. (Somebody smack me upside the head!)

I've done this before. Not with her, but in other relationships. Whenever my partner got down, I quickly assumed it was something I was doing or not doing and focussed on myself. Then, because I wasn't trying intentionally to annoy, I got overly defensive and shut down any meaningful communication, which was most likely annoying! So, she's in a bad mood, I'm getting one, and here I come along trying to fix her so that I don't feel so uncomfortable.

(FYI, Yibbyl means "designated moron".)

Right now, I'm typing this, she's asleep, no doubt from pure emotional exhaustion, and we have just gone to bed, not angry, but frustrated, for the first time. It makes me sad, especially since all I did today was add to her headaches and make her question just how alert and empathetic I am. To be honest, I think I came across as selfish and uncaring. Yep, today, I was a winner!

(rolls eyes, turns off computer)