Thursday, June 30, 2005

Day 14443b

(I wrote the first half of this last night, so I'm using that date.)

Ok, so I have definitely changed. In many ways, if I think about it, I am a slightly different person. Take music, for instance. Just a few minutes ago, I was IM'ing with a friendly little friend, when I heard the Ukraniun kids across the street blasting Def Leopard's High & Dry. I casually joked that it felt like circa 1983 and received back a comment with the word "flashback" in it.

My mind quickly did just that and I mentioned that if I had gone outside, I should have seen handcuffs hanging from the mirror of my car! Yep, you read that right. Don't believe me? Re-read it...I'll wait. See? Told you..."handcuffs"! It must have meant that I was one bad muthafucka, or maybe I just had them around so that I could handcuff girls to the steering wheel and then drive around town. Yeah, I was a perve. Still am! (Guess that part hasn't changed!)

Anyway, around 1983 my musical tastes were rapidly changing from Donald Fagan, Pete Townshend, INXS, and Icehouse to Rush, Rainbow, the Scorpions and especially Metallica. The harder the better. I was "bad", but not like Michael Jackson. I was angry. I was waiting for Blackie Lawless!

Fortunately, my days spent as a fan of heavy metal were short-lived. I quickly became interested in R.E.M., the Alarm, the Church, Bauhaus, and The The. In time even that morphed into almost an obsession with jam bands like Phish, moe. and alt-country groups like Uncle Tupelo.

(This is where I fell asleep last night!)

Change has been good to me and for me. Opened my eyes to new experiences, points of view, even spirituality. In hindsight, all those changes, even the appreciation of metal music has helped me grow. And when I look at it with an open mind, I still like some aspects of all my old tastes in tunes, even the metal. And with time, even Blackie has gone from just plain being the ultimate stick-poking front man to a man of much intelligence and wisdom. If you haven't read the link above, do it now. You will be surprised!

Anyway, I've got more changes on the horizon. Some, a fine lady friend has hinted at; others are yet to be announced. I'm in motion. I'm changing. I'm loving it! Hopefully, you are embracing your opportunities, as well!

Have a good day folks!

Day 14443a

I wrote the following at 1:00 AM...

I can't sleep. There's a good chance that it has to do with the fact that I just got done driving back from Paradise an hour ago. It's also really warm in my house and I can't sleep when I'm too warm. Sometimes I even sleep with one leg outside of the covers simply to equalize my body temp. I also rarely complain when someone hogs the covers. I'm a good sport that way!

So the very first hour of Day 14443 I apparrently spent wasting time doing the following:

1) I powered up the computer to read e-mail, blogs, and some journals and forums on Radio Paradise. (Yeah, I wanna be a pimp!)

2) I stripped down to my underwear in an effort to cool down - Yeah, that's it! Cool down. Yeah...

3) I stared at a pile of towels and chose not to put them into the washing machine.

4) Zoning, I woke up with my forehead just above the keyboard.

5) After ridding myself of the after-effects of too much soda, I finally gave up and went to bed.

Ah, the life of the road weary traveller is so exciting! Don'tchathink?

So, since I do spend so much of my time on the road, you'd think I'd make better use of my time. For instance, listening to an audio book or something. Nope. Nada. Strictly personal cd's or sports talk radio. I look like an idiot when I listen to sports talk, laughing hysterically at what must appear to be nothing to passers by! The cd's just make me arrive with a slightly hoarse throat...never learned to sing properly!

Occaisionally, I chat on the phone. Tried this last night, but the signal was all over the place...I couldn't even tell you how many times I had to redial! Very frustrating!

So, anyone else spend a lot of time in your vehicles? Besides picking your nose, what do you do? Any good, non-sleep-inducing audio books you can recommend? Let me know...If I'm entertained, I'm less likely to flick a booger on your windshield!

Back later.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Day 14440b

I've been suckered into doing another one of these "pass it on" kind of posts by Michelle. Actually, I was trying to figure out just what I wanted to say tonight anyway, so here is the perfect copout, er, solution!


Three nicknames that you have had: Yibbyl, Soft-shoulders, and Bull.

Three things you like about yourself: My ability to empathize, my lack of fear of work, and my brain.

Three things you don't like about yourself: I, too, can procrastinate, my back can't do what I want it to, and my very white legs.

Three things that scare you: Bees/wasps, driving a loved one away, and dying before I've accomplished my goals.

Three of your everyday essentials: Laughing, touching, and doing something new.

Three things you are wearing right now: Shorts, boxers, and a piece of basil in between my teeth.

Three of your favorite bands growing up: Steely Dan, The Doobie Brothers, and Kansas.

Two truths and a lie: I am in love, I want to move, and the check is in the mail.

Three things you can't do without: Time, love, and laughter.

Three things you most certainly can do without: Bullies, liars, and liver.

Three places you want to go on vacation: Tasmania, New Zealand, and, now, Costa Rica!

Three things you want to do before you die: Master the recordings Eric & I did, own my own home and acreage, and travel more.

OK, next chum.......p on the list is: Lexie!

Day 14440a

I used the "L-word" this past weekend for the 1st time in years! My head didn't explode, the sky didn't fall, the ground didn't open up, and I heard it back!

I had a terrific weekend!

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Day 14435

I've been tagged by Michelle for the Book Meme. So, here goes...

(1) Number of books I own: A few more than 100.

(2) Last book bought: Natural Cures "They" Don't Want You To Know About by Kevin Trudeau...Trust me, save your money!

(3) Last book I read: Miniature Editions: Dating For Dummies by Dr. Joy Browne...A gift from a couple who were saddened to see me alone.

(4) Five books that mean a lot to me:

* The Trumpet of the Swan by E. B. White...The 1st book I ever read because I wanted to.
* Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut...I don't know where to start.
* The Magic Of Self Direction by David J. Schwartz...Best $5 I ever spent - It may have saved my life!
* I Ching translated by Frank J. MacHovec...Necessary.
* Tape Op: The Book About Creative Music Recording by Larry Crane...Kind of like my other bible.

(5) Looking forward to reading: (Michelle's additional question)
* The Illustrated Kama Sutra : Ananga-Ranga and Perfumed Garden - The Classic Eastern Love Texts by Captain Sir Richard F. Burton (Translator), F. F. Arbuthnot (Translator)...WITHOUT pausing to pleasure myself!

Under the category of Tag, You're It!: Jen and Joseph.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Day 14434

So, I have had some really good fortune lately! A co-worker gave me a television to replace mine, which had finally succumbed to the demons of malfunction at the ripe old age of 10. Then earlier this week, a friend arranged to give me a laptop computer so that I could take it with me on the road! This same person also gave me a lottery ticket. Not a single number was chosen from my ticket, but it was still a sweet thing to do!

So, earlier tonight, the guy who gave me the TV called up and asked how I was doing and how I liked the TV set. I again thanked him for his generousity and told him that I had only watched it once since I got it, but it worked perfect! This stunned him, as he had given me the TV 3 weeks ago! I explained that I had been quite busy catching up on my reading.

This was kind of a lie, well, at the very least, I was massaging the truth. See, I have been spending a lot of time internet messaging over the last 3 weeks. I get home, fire up the computer, find someone to chat with, and do so until my head bobs. Then, I stop fighting it, say goodnight and finally go to bed. I'm online probably an average of at least 5 hours a night. It sounds pathetic, boring even, but I've been having a blast!

The last two nights I have been in some serious conversations with one individual and also experienced a lot of quiet time. I think in most cases we were just reading other people's blogs. Sometimes, however, we were just engaged in some sort of introspection. I've had a terrific time these nights as well and I wouldn't trade them for anything! It has become natural and comfortable, as if we were under the same roof the whole time.

Modern technology has allowed us to participate in what could have been letters stuffed into a large US Postal Service envelope. I actually regret not having something real to feel, smell, and cherish, but this is the next best thing. I am grateful to have shared some of this time with this wonderful person.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Day 14433

Today, I learned something about myself. I've always felt learning something new is a good thing, even though I have mumbled on occasion something to the effect of "Ignorance can be bliss!". Anyway, I wish to continue learning things until I can no longer number my days. So, kicking procrastination to the curb, here's what I learned today...

I have a fear of letting go and expressing affection. Further, hearing an expression of affection directed towards me yields fear. These are not identical fears. The first deals with a fear of trusting another. The latter is a fear that I will somehow purposely f*ck up or sabotage the relationship, so that the fear of the former won't kick in. I'm pretty certain these fears, left unchallenged, will ensure that I die alone, another one of my fears.

Earlier this evening, I heard that the last number had been assigned to a young man's days. He went by the name Arioch on Radio Paradise and was a very sweet human being. In an outpouring of grief and love, those who were fortunate to have interacted with him have wished him final peace. He will be missed.

Arioch's passing was certainly not expected by the Peeps at RP and most likely not by him. There is so much I'm sure he would have liked to have said to his children and friends, but fate stole the opportunity to do so. If this isn't the swift kick in the ass needed to get me to face my fears I don't know what is. Consider this the day I begin to live dangerously. The moment I decide to seize the day and truly make each number mean something significant, if not to me then to those I love.

If I may be so bold as to borrow from Ari, bright blessings to you all!

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Day 14427b

So, just when I'm trying to be light, serious stuff seems to sneak in through the cracks...

Tonight, a typical building, rectangular with four walls, fell apart. It literally crumbled before my eyes! As I stood and looked at the aftermath, I couldn't help but notice that two walls were still connected. It's possible they were actually holding each other up. Supporting each other, as it were, like two close friends.

This, in turn, made me look at the other two walls. They were deshevelled, beaten down, sad. Seemingly unaware that they could have leaned on each other for support and fought against the forces of gravity. It was a strange sight and interpretation. In my mind, each of those beaten down walls could see the two still standing, but do nothing about it. It was like a love triangle, but with an extra player. The sight truly saddened me and I imagined the two existing walls were sad as well. Overall, it was a very strange reaction to a damaged building. One that recognized the sum of it's parts as being greater than the whole. Fortunately, no one lived there.

And here I thought tonight was just going to be a relaxing one.

Day 14427a

I got this from the cheese stands alone, who got it from Pixy.

How am I going to die? Follow me, I'll show you!

"You scored as Disappear. Your death will be by disappearing, probably
a camping trip gone wrong or an evening hike you never returned from."







Natural Causes














Cut Throat






How Will You Die??
created with

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Day 14425

What is your idea of a treasure? Way back when in a time when pirates were common, a treasure supposedly was burried and marked with an "X" on a map. I dig pirates, especially Pirates Gold and Pirates of the Carribean. (In fact, I may just watch that movie later tonight!) For others, a family heirloom, or just having a family, is a treasure. To some birds, anything shiny is a treasure. Have you seen this? Ravens and Grackles do it! Kind of cute. I have an arrowhead used for hunting birds most likely by the Arikara Indians that I found at the shore of our cabin in ND when I was about 11. Too me that's a treasure.

I have another treasure I received as a gift. No, not a cherry, you pervs! It was special to this person and I was given it, of course, in a public place! So, there I sat, knowing that it was significant, about to tear up over it, and worried about appearences. *rolls eyes* I might have ruined the moment. I still don't know after all this time. Too afraid to ask. It is very special to me now. Wish I had something to give in return... *sigh* Also wish I could post it here on this blog, but technical difficulties...blah, blah, blah, you know?

Anyway, here's to treasures, whether born, found, received, given, or mapped with an "X". May you cherish yours!

Have a good night!

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Day 14422b

I spent too much time reading some of your words...
Pulls away from the table..."Check, please!"

Day 14422a

I've got a few loads of laundry and much catching up on reading o' the blogs to do tonight! Once I've finished reading, I shall assault you ("y'all" for those of you in more humid climes) with my incessant babbling! You've been warned!

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Day 14421c

Exactly one week ago, I was in Redding for work. I was minus a computer, so I'm blogging about it now. Anyway, during the trip, I had the privilege to accompany Michelle on another visit to the famous Zippers! It being a Wednesday, they were having a karaoke contest with a twist...for $3 you could buy an opportunity to "gong" the contestants! And believe me, there were some there who deserved a-gongin'...actually managed to make Ashley Simpson sound good!

Anyway, from our prime location to the right of the judges and directly in front of the stage, we were able to take in the sounds, sights, and antics of the contestants. It is a contest lasting several weeks, with the winner collecting prize money from the "gong funds". Well, we were joined by a couple of ladies Michelle works with and it's safe to say that we all had a terrific time! We laughed so hard, I think we may have drowned out a few of the performers. (Apologies to those women and men and men in drag we may have offended.)

Ah, yes, the men in looked like a parady of a man in drag, the other...well, let's just say his butt was oh so spankable! Did I just say that out loud? Ahem, how `bout them Nationals? First place right now in the NL East! Oh yeah, baby!

OK, with testosterone levels back to normal...shall we discuss the ladies? One was named Heidi and she was a friend of Michelle's co-workers. This girl could blow! Not like that, silly - I mean she had amazing tone! Unfortunately she didn't always pick songs that showcased that. Some of the other ladies could sing pretty well, too. Then there were the ones who couldn't...

DETOUR: It was quite refreshing to see women turned loose to be themselves out in public. I believe that same sex couples, as a whole, are still apprehensive in most public situations to show affection to each other, especially the males. This is so sad. These ladies however held very little back. Often it was cute, sometimes it was erotic, and others, well, too much liquor can make for some unpleasant performances of the physical sort, if you're pickin' up what I'm puttin' down. Anyway, we saw plenty and what can I say...I like to watch!

...and so back to those who couldn't sing... Well, one encouraged her partner to come onstage and grind with her. Another, resorted to the American Idol philosophy...if you can't sing, sex it up! She performed "Fever"...poorly, but had on the tiniest of "skirts" (Here defined as a 4" wide strip of denim tightly wrapped around her with some floofy stuff about 2" wide stitched below the denim portion!) and wiggled and squirmed enough to make the gayest of men there straight! I recall one of my 3 hetro brothren in the bar crawling on the floor trying to get a better look. Amazingly he was not chastized!

Anyway, Michelle, now a regular, is going back there tonight with the girls...OMG, have I just outed her?...and I wish I could join them again! I had a blast the last time and would love to see all the shows this year, but, alas, it's not likely I'll ever make it up there on a Wednesday night again. *sniff* If you, dear readers, find yourself in Redding, CA on a Wednesday night, I highly recommend that you visit!

Have a great night Michelle et al!

Day 14421b

If I were to have a "nooner" would have been a good time! Just sayin', you know, for future reference. *g*

That is all.

Day 14421a

Long delay between postings...things (life) happens. What can I say? Soooooooooo, without further adieu...

10 Things I've Never Done:

1. I've never written a screenplay...totally want to do this someday.

2. I've never travelled anywhere by train...another thing I'd like to do.

3. I've never skydived either, Jen & Michelle, but I want to try it soon.

4. I've never been to Tasmania or New Zealand...this is my dream vacation.

5. I've never felt unconditional love from someone outside my, yeah, want this someday.

6. I've never sang in front of an audience...probably never will as I'm too frightened, but wish I wasn't.

7. I've never had a tattoo...sort of want one.

8. [Edited for a younger audience] I've never eaten a kumquat...not that I have an aching desire to do so.

9. I've never fathered any children...not likely to happen anymore for me...I think I'm OK with that.

10. I've never met far too many of the Peeps...won't list names for fear of leaving some wonderful people out, but am excited about the upcoming Reinstock event, which should remedy much of this one!

Well, I suppose I need to choose some others to continue this chain, so I pick BlueHeronDruid & Platypotamus.