Saturday, April 30, 2005

Day 14383

I came home a day earlier than usual from visiting the Chico/Paradise area. I do have some household chores to do, but mostly I left because I was overwhelmed by unnecessary drama.


I probably should stop there. The drama didn't concern me. In other words, though I would not have identified the overly dramatic participants, I think this is kind of gossiping.

Hmm. I read earlier this evening quite a few postings that mentioned NOT being overly personal on-line and/or the need to be careful concerning what one says about oneself or others. Do I divulge too much self-information? Do I divulge too much about others? The truth is, I really only want one person's input on the drama mentioned above and I can get her a personal message.

I'm wondering where I need or want to draw the line. I have no problem stating that I am eating some very delicious deer salami right now and wish I had something besides milk to wash it down! Whoop-di-do. On the other hand, I won't ever divulge any of my personal intimate details and you'd probably thank me for that. (Some of you are sleepy enough as it is!)

So, where's the limit? If it feels good, should I do it? IMO, probably. Can I use good ole common sense? A modicum of decency? Class? Do I have enough of those? I'd like to think so. Recently, I got pretty personal and, in doing so, painted a rather unflattering picture of my father. Was that too far? I'm feeling pretty comfortable about that post. I was emotional and needed to release some of that. I felt better afterwards and it seemed to touch a few others in a positive way, as well.

Looks like the answer is somewhere pretty darn grey. I can't put my finger on it (unintentional Ween reference), but I suspect I'll know when I'm about to cross that line. Hopefully, any ommitted information doesn't mislead anyone, after all, I did state that I wanted total honesty to be a big part of this blog when I first started. Though, I can think of one entry where I was purposely cryptic. Of course, that one was quickly sniffed out by a rather smart (and cool) lady.

Anyway, all this long-winded blabbing probably is nothing more than an inner voice trying to teach me some kind of lesson. That lession is... Damnit! I most likely owe someone an apology for something I wrote last week in a personal note. Argh! Now I feel like shit. I need to take care of something.

Good night.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Day 14381

Feeling rushed for time as I am leaving town this morning. I swiped this from Michelle, a noob in the blogosphere, but familiar to those of us hanging out at Radio Paradise. Apparently, we have something here in common, the Level 2 Devlinship, nevertheless, le differance!

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Low
Level 2 (Lustful)Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Moderate
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)High
Level 7 (Violent)Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Hey! My left ear just popped! Can you hear me hearing better?

Eniwa, hab a gud da!

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Day 14377

Last August, as part of my vacation, I went back to ND, where my dad lives. Prior to the trip, I had asked one of my brothers to talk to him about getting together so we could chat. My father declined. My father has 4 sons that I know of and 5 living brothers and a sister. My middle brother and my aunt are the only ones who speak to him and even that is rare. Without change, he will die alone and lonely. I think he knows that. I don't know why, but he just doesn't seem willing to do anything to alter his future.

My father is an alcoholic and has been for at least 34 years. Those of you who know the deal, understand that drinking or not, the disease doesn't go away. My father quit drinking for a few years beginning when I was in the 6th grade. I cannot begin to express how proud I was of him and how much additional respect I had for the man. At that age, I also had no idea just how important that tidbit of information could have possibly been to my dad. I've never told him.

My father is going on 69 years old and unfortunately has been drinking for at least the last 24 years that I'm aware of. When I think about how much he drinks and add that to 50+ years of smoking, I am amazed he is still alive. I sometimes wonder if he would have had the strength to stay sober if I had only told him I was proud of him for staying clean and that I loved him. I would have liked to, but I haven't spoken to my father in 12 years. After years of repeated efforts were declined, I gave up. I don't remember when it happened, just that it happened. In my selfish world, the rejection just became too painful to continue reaching out. However, I would be lying if I said I didn't want things to change. Drinking or not, past strains acknowledged and forgiven or not, I do love him and wish he was in my life. And yes, it would be better if he was sober.

I never in my wildest dreams would have thought that I would have posted this information. This is a direct result of my interaction with some folks on Radio Paradise. Some of these people have drinking problems and are courageously staying sober. I frequently lurk in the "Friends of Bill W?" forum and smile as they support each other and daily add to the amount of time they live life alert, free from false security, and embracing their reality, both good and bad. It is more beautiful than any picture I have ever seen, more inspirational than any book or movie. I'm proud of them even though I haven't met a single one. Some I consider friends, some I've never even interacted with.

I don't know if this sounds self-important, arrogant, or whatever, but I feel I should let them know I support them, just in case it matters. Hence, the real reason for this post. I won't mention specific names here for fear of accidently leaving someone out, but I truly admire and am proud of each and every one of them. They are all heroes.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Day 14373

Happy 420 to those who celebrate! I didn't, but that's OK. I really don't need to anyway.

OK, so a long time (11 days) has passed since I last posted. I had opportunities, I was just feeling lazy and/or had nothing interesting to say. Well, after all this time, I still don't have much to offer here other than these lists (Pathetic or what?) One of the columns consists of 11 things I have done, the other, 11 things I've never done. Can you guess which is which?

........Column A..........................................Column B

Sang on a recording..........................Sang in front of an audience
Sailboarded in the ocean...................Surfed in the ocean
Climbed Mt. Ranier...........................Climbed Mt. Whitney
Hitchhiked........................................Picked up a hitchhiker
Walked barefoot in the snow..............Walked barefoot over hot coals
Saw a roommate having sex..............Saw parents having sex
Rode a horse....................................Rode an iron horse
Trick-skied behind a minibike.............Trick-skied behind a boat
Had poison ivy..................................Had poison oak
Have eaten dog.................................Have eaten Rocky Mountain Oysters
Fled from Mexican Police....................Fled from Canadian Police

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Day 14362

Good evening. Today is Saturday and it is late at night. I have some early morning plans tomorrow that could really use the assistance of a good night's sleep, but I'm unable to put my ass in bed. I have this problem, nothing I'd call insomnia, just an inability to stop thinking sometimes. My mind won't relax and I just stay up re-living the past or running things through my head. Sometimes, the thoughts are good, but not always. Tonight's is debatable. I think empathy is a good thing, but I can't change someone else's life and I'm adding my own self-pity on top of it.

I know this person, whose relationship with a significant other has changed. On the surface, it seems to have taken a turn for the worse, but time and hindsight will tell. Nevertheless, I think this person is sad. Hell, the change saddens me.

I haven't offered any support or acknowledged the situation in any way prior to this entry. This also saddens me. Reminds me of the song, Rock of Ages by Grant Lee Buffalo. There's a lyric in it that goes..."I heard my brother call and I turned the other way. Now I'm ashamed to face him." It's not that I don't care - I just don't know what to say. Maybe this person will see this entry and it will suffice. If so...

The second I heard, my heart sank. I re-scanned the message several times to be certain I truly understood what had happened. Overcome with the sense of loss, I began to physically shake as the realization set in. We all lose when love is lost. I truly am sorry you experienced this outcome. I wouldn't wish the experience on those I've never met, yet alone someone I consider a friend. I hope you get over this soon, but know it will continue to color who you are in some way. The fact that this will also simultaneously enhance your desirability to others will be of little consolation. I know. You move on anyway.

I owe you a hug.

Good night.

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Day 14356

So, finally got some photos of Paradise to post. Selecting the shots was really difficult, because there really isn't a centralized downtown, where lots of action takes place. In fact, the combination of lots of trees, many hills, and no natural meeting place actually is hinted at when you look at these pics.

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Paradisians like to embrace the spiritual side of the town's name by posting cute signs announcing your entry into town or "heaven". This one is on Clark Rd. and was taken on Day 14341 during the only brief break in the rain that day. You are climbing uphill when you come in on Clark Rd., hence "ascending".

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This photo and all the rest were taken on Day 14355, which featured an unscheduled visit to Chico and Paradise. This shot is looking southwest on the Skyway. There are a few commercial buildings here, but you could argue that this really isn't the center of downtown. As mentioned above, it's because there really isn't a downtown, unless you count Chico. Instead you find short clusters of businesses like this stretch scattered throughout town.

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This photo was taken on Harvey Rd. while I was on my way to a friend's house. There are a number of these really small creeks/streams running through town which are really invigorating. This one has a well-built bridge incorporated into this person's driveway. Yes, I said, "driveway".

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This is a pretty, pale yellow rose as seen through my hair-accessorized lens. It is on the Skyway across from an entrance into a small apartment complex in an area primarily zoned commercial. The bush, actually bushes, are unkept, as if they were weeds. For you gardeners out there, Day 14355 is April 2nd, 2005.

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Lastly, a pic of me showing an awlful lot of leg. I am walking in front of the Park-n-Ride on the Skyway. This small town has a pretty good bus service operating primarily during daylight hours. The busses do a circuit in both directions around town and go down into Chico. It is unfortunately under-used.

Hope you enjoyed this quick look at Paradise. Oh, I purposely didn't post a pic of the Radio Paradise Studio, out of respect for their privacy.

Friday, April 01, 2005

Day 14354

With sincere apologies to those I may offend:

Well, I gotta admit I wish I had cable TV. Apparently, there was a pretty, um, current South Park on recently. It poked fun at the rediculous Political/Media circus that was, hopefully not still is, the Terri Schiavo ordeal. I know this sounds just terrible, but I would have enjoyed all the jokes made at the expense of the media and political parties. And isn't it amazing that a show that was founded on sophomoric humor has progressed into a meaningful examination of the American scoop du jour? This cartoon really mattered and I wish I had seen it.

I should probably fess up and admit that I really didn't follow this case/spectacle while it was going on. The local newspapers made sure of that. See, the local papers quickly stopped utilizing photos of a vegetative Terri and replaced them with photos of her in a pre-vegetative state on their front pages. It's safe to say that the latter was a more flattering photo of her. People are attracted to attractive people. People also are more likely to purchase a periodical with an attractive person on the cover. Doubt this? Ever hear of Maxim, Stuff, or Playboy/Playgirl magazines? You know what's on the covers.

My disgust with the local papers purposely trying to use this soul as bait for increased sales kept me away from the circus. I finally found out what had happened after a lady, who I respect and who periodically flatters me by reading this blog, posted a comment on a forum on Radio Paradise. If someone of her wisdom would take the time to comment on the subject, I felt it was worth investigating.

I found it fascinating in a Dallas kind of way. Political power plays, religious dogma, extra-marital affairs, greed, eating disorders, biased reporting, 15 minutes of fame, it was all there. No wonder the nation and especially it's "news" outlets were so caught up in it. I mean, come on, you know it's going to make an excellent movie some day!

So, like I said, wish I had seen that episode of South Park, which will probably be the only constructive criticism of the whole ordeal. Well, maybe The Daily Show with Jon Stewart will address this as well. (Again, another show on cable TV.) If you haven't figured it out yet, I simply love when the rediculous gets ridiculed!

Anyway, I wish to again apologize to those I may have offended. I am well aware that a soul left this earth, whether you think it happened a day ago or 15 years ago. I'm also cognisant of the fact that in the end her body was ironically starved to death instead of mercifully injected with a concoction designed to quickly end her beating heart. This ordeal was sad, not just because of the profit-induced frenzy of words and pictures, but more importantly, because another human life came to an end. Wonder if anyone counting the beans in the info-tainment industry or keeping score in politics will finally acknowledge their gains came at the expense of Ms. Schiavo's life, or dignity, or her loved ones, or whatever you believe. My guess is they won't take the time - somewhere, something else is brewing up. After all, tomorrow is another day.